RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

I nod along with what he is saying.

"Why were you so ashamed of her?" I ask him, now that I am out of my trance of confusion and shock, I can finally ask the questions that are in the back of my mind now.

"I mean, I have dealt with some of the lowest of the low for nearly twenty years, and you still couldn't tell me because it was beneath you? What?"

I stop talking now as my voice is raising a little bit.

I really don't want to say any of this. This is the kind of thing that's going to scare him away from me. He's going to actually hate me and I'm going to lose my greatest ally in this world.

"She was a 16 year old virgin." I explain, "That's why I'm so ashamed. I mean, I didn't know how old she was at the time, she didn't exactly wear it stamped across her forehead. She looked older than she was. But it was around that time you were working that case with that family and..."

I'm running on now, my words all mixing together.

"I didn't know, Coby."

"You... you slept with an underage girl? Aww man Bri," I say before rubbing my hand over my forehead.

I go to stand up and run my hand through my hair as I hear all the joints in my legs click, I am getting way too old for this. I was expecting him to say that she was a hooker, to say that she was homeless but... an underage girl? How could he do that?

"I can't believe it Brian," I say, shaking my head, "I thought you had more control than that."

"I didn't know, Coby." I say yet again, "She didn't look 16 and... I mean, would you really expect to pick up a 16 year old in a bar? She'd obviously not just fooled me."

I can't believe I'm trying to excuse myself here. I'm a sick fuck. She was almost the same age as my niece, if any guy went anywhere near her right now, I'd kill them.

"There was no excuse, I know that. I've beaten myself up over this for years."

"I know Brian, I know but..." I turn around to him, "you have just told me this. You can't expect me to just be perfectly OK with this right away. I need to think it over in my head, OK?"

I calm myself down so that I don't end up yelling at him anymore and I just keep myself at a normal volume of voice.

"So, are you going to tell him your his Dad?"

"I never expected you to, I just... wanted you to know I'm not a complete sicko pervert pedophile." I offer, as much as it's probably not helping right now.

"I want to tell him but I don't really know how it'd go down." I say, "I mean, the guy he thinks is his dad is in jail. His mom never wanted him to know. I suppose I'd have to talk to her about it before I did anything."

I get up from the floor, I've been sat down for far too long now. It's a wonder I can actually get up.

"I'm pretty sure he's my only child. He's the only one I know of anyway. I've tried asking my exes, they... they tend to slam the phone down on me."

I sigh, "well. Looks like you've got it all sorted then," I say with a shrug as my hands plunge into my pants pockets.

I don't think that there is anything else that I can say anymore, I can't think of anything else. I'm just disappointed, he knows how pissed I was with him with the girl at the diner all those years back. This is going to have to give me some time to forget about it, or get used to it.

"I'm just going to go and make us some dinner," I mutter before looking down at my shoes.

I make my way out of the living room, on my way to the hallway towards the kitchen.

"Okay."

I want to get up and follow him, goof around in the kitchen like we normally do, covering each other in flour and suchlike. But I don't think now's really the right time. He's obviously annoyed at me. I'm fucking annoyed at me.

I walk over to the couch, leaning back into it. I'm pretty amazed. I haven't got any desperate urge to go to the booze right now. I should be wanting to get completely hammered. But all I want to do is sit and brood until Coby doesn't hate me.

Or until I keel over from the rat poison hidden in dinner.

I sigh as soon as I enter the kitchen, I look behind me to make sure that Brian hasn't followed me in. I smile a little when I realise that he hasn't until I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes, leaning against the kitchen door.

Two dilemmas in one day. I had to just as him if there was anything up, didn't I?

I sigh before pushing my back off the wall and walking over to the fridge, but I don't even open it when I realise that I really don't feel like being creative and cooking the day before the weekly shop.

I sigh, for like the hundredth time today before walking over to the phone on the counter, picking it up and dialling for Brian's favourite take out restaurant.

"Hello... Fujis? It's Jacoby Shaddix... no, it's nothing law breaking..."

I flip the TV on, as usual seeing it on a news station. It's our big thing in this house. We leave the news stations on because both of us are so involved in it. Of course now there just has to be 'To Catch A Predator' showing so I can't watch it.

I flip over to some music as I lean back in the sofa, smiling as I see the song I'd consider mine and Coby's come on TV. I want this played at our wedding one day, if we have one anyway. I don't know what's going to happen. I've never really thought about a future with him. I've just spent all my life thinking about how much I want to be with him, I'd never imagined what would happen when I was.

I look longingly towards the door, hoping he's not conspiring with his cop buddies to kill me right now. Even though I would be in his position.

"Okay, thank you, fifteen minutes, I got it," I smile as I hung up the phone, having ordered mine and Brian's favourite dishes, and getting it for free because my connections in the Japanese New York community.

I put the phone back down on the stand as I listen out to what Brian is watching on the TV out there. I smile a little when I hear the music, I feel even the News will depress me a little tonight.

I smile slightly and turn around before walking over to the cellar door near the back door, unbolting it and making my way down the stairs to get some wine for the two of us.

The song finishes and some heavy thrash comes on instead. I smile as I watch the bands practically tearing their instruments apart whilst playing. It's such a nice thing to see, especially with todays diet of watered down poprock crap.

I'm trying to avoid the real issue here by focusing on things which have nothing to do with what's going on with my life at the moment. I'm such a fucking coward sometimes.

I tap my fingers on my knees along with the song as I get up from my seat, pacing around now. Surely Coby can't be that mad. He didn't scream at me. He's got to be okay or at the very least okay-ish with everything. Right?

Gahhhhh, it's like trying to understand women all over again.

I look along the shelfs of wine I had installed a few years ago. Something that Zacky and Matt thought was the most ridiculous thing to spend my bonus on, but a man's got to have some pleasures.

I pluck one of the bottles from the shelf, looking over the bottle to notice it's only a few years old, that will be ideal for some way of saying sorry for me being a little madder at him than I should have being.

I brush off the dust with my hand, coughing and sneezing lightly as it gets caught in my eyes. I shake my head to rid my face of the dust before making my way back up the stairs quickly with the bottle of wine in hand.

I've got to stop pacing back and forth. I'm going to wear a hole in the carpet and that's not going to be good for anyone. I drop back down onto the sofa, heavily and drop my head to my knees.

"Gah, I hate people. I should just be a monk." I whine into my knees.

I don't want to lift my head, lifting my head involves too much effort, effort which I just don't feel like making right now. I want to sink inside my own body so that all of the things I've just told Coby disappear and everything's okay again.

I pop the cork on the wine bottle, smelling the wine to make sure it's not corked or anything. I smile when I am satisfied before putting the bottle back onto the counter and going over to the glass cabinet to get some glasses.

I pull two out before walking back over to the bottle of wine again, pouring me and Brian a glass each.

And just I finish filling our glasses, the door bell rings. Man, that sushi is early, that's one of the good things about being a cop.

I walk out of the kitchen and into the hallway towards the front door to collect the food.

I lift my head up - totally ignoring my earlier opinion when I hear the doorbell ringing. Has he called someone on me? I did hear him on the phone earlier. I couldn't make out what was being said because many years of heavy metal concerts have finally taken their toll and I'm not exactly perfect with the hearing.

I get up off the sofa, looking for anyway out. I spot a half open window and just as I'm running over to it, I realize just how ridiculous I'm being. He's not going to set the cops on me. All the years of alcohol abuse have made me paranoid.

"What the fuck man." I mutter, walking back over to the sofa just in time to hear the door shut.

I smile to myself at how nice the guy that gave me the food was, obviously I am knew throughout everyone in the Japanese community.

I walk back into the kitchen, setting the food down onto the table and getting ready to get some plates out. I pull them out and get some spoons and other utensils to get the food onto the plates.

Once I've done that for both of us, giving Brian more of the spiced fish because I know how much he loves it so much, and giving myself more of the rice dishes because I sometimes don't trust the sushi.

I grab Brian's plate and his glass of wine before making my way out of the kitchen, putting a smile onto my face and making my way into the living room.

I look over to the door to see Coby coming in with a smile... oooh and sushi! Maybe he doesn't want me as dead as I'd originally though. Unless he's...

Brian, quit with the conspiracy theories. Your boyfriend doesn't want you dead because of something which happened over twenty years ago. It's lucky you're not a pot smoker, you'd have tried to claw your skin off by now.

"Mm, something smells good." I say, getting up from the sofa, "And the food does too."

I let a small smirk grace my features as I watch him climb to his feet and walk over to me.

"I've had time to cool off," I say as I hand him his plate of sushi and his glass of wine, "standing in my cellar with the chill can really put things into prospect."

I smile, "just gonna go and get my plate and then I'll join you."

I start to make my way out of the living room and back into the living room to get my own food.

I smile a little now I know he isn't mad at me anymore. I look down at the glass of wine. I shouldn't have this anywhere near me. I'm trying to quit completely. One slip up like this and I'm right back to square one. I don't need that right now.

I sniff the wine, taking in the heady scent of oak and berries. It smells amazing. It smells old and expensive. But I really shouldn't. I really can't. I put the glass down on the table and sit as far away from it as I can.

I don't want to eat until he gets back but I could really do with taking my mind off the crimson in front of me, hence the reson I know have a seaweed roll in my mouth and my eyes staring down through some pink thing...

I walk back into the room with my plate and my glass of wine. I smile at Brian tucking into his food as I take a seat down next to him on the sofa.

I sit my glass of wine down next to Brian's on the table in front of the two of us.

"S'it good Angel?" I ask him cheekily as I watch him with a mouth full of sushi.

I nod, swallowing down a rather large mouthful of the aforementioned pink stuff, "It's great."

I lean across and kiss him on the cheek, "Thank you, baby. You always get the best takeout. You're like, a whizz with a phone book."

I've given up using chopsticks with these things. Last time we ate sushi with chopsticks I managed to knock over an expensive ornament over the mantle. Since then I figured fingers would be a better plan.

But seeing that wine in front of me, I really wish I had some chopsticks, something to concentrate on so I don't down the glass in front of me. That demon drink sat right on the table.

There is an easy way to deal with this.

"Uh, Cobes, baby, I don't want to be a pain or anything but.... I'm trying to kick the habit with the whole..." I wave towards the wine, "I mean, I do have a pretty serious problem and... yeah, I don't want to slip."

I look at the glass of wine as I chew on some of the red rice I have in a bowl. I nod before looking back at him.

"Well, I thought, since you have being so good these past few weeks, maybe one glass to socialise with your boyfriend wouldn't be so bad, that way you can get used to actually drinking but without relying on it," I suggest my ideas to him before spooning some more rice into my mouth.

"But, if you want me to take it away. I will. But I'm not going to waste it."

"I... still don't really trust myself enough at the moment." I say, looking across to him, "I'm sorry. I just don't want to find myself waking up in the wine cellar surrounded by a load of empty bottles."

I move a little closer to him on the sofa and rub at his thigh with a smile, "If you want it though, I won't stop you. You've had to deal with me often enough, I can return the favour. Except I can't promise I won't take advantage of your drunken state."

I can't help the cheeky little smile which comes across my face, "Although I'm sure your drunken and sober state would probably quite enjoy that."

"Hmmm, well, I think you are right there," I say with a grin as I grab one of the glasses of wine and take a sip of the ruby liquid.

"Hmmm, not as good as expected," I say as I pull a face before putting the glass back on the table, "well, that'll be going down the sink."

I turn back to Brian, my bowl of rice still in hand as I look at his cheeky face.

"Well, looks like you'll have to take advantage of my sober state now, what a shame."

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