RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

[[Mm, could do. But I've not really got any ideas for 'em. They just kinda... exist, y'know?]]

[[Yeah... but I have no ideas for anyone, haha. I am kinda just thinking about my Graphics right now so... you have any ideas?]]

[[Uhh, I dunno. Suppose we could do something with Bri and Coby? There was that thing with Brian's mom and son which hasn't been used yet.]]

[[OK then. :) ]]

ONE MONTH LATER

I hate having to sneak around like this. I almost feel like I'm cheating on Coby but I'm just not ready to introduce my family to him. I'm still trying to get used to the fact I have some kind of family. It's not that I'm ashamed of him, it's nothing like that at all. I don't even know why I've not introduced him yet. I think I'm just afraid because things see to be going right for a change.

"Yes, I'll be there tomorrow. Yes, I... no I'm not trying to hide this from someone!" I insist, hissing into the phone, "Yes, me too... okay, see you tomorrow. Bye."

My mom's getting really clingy at the moment. As if she's trying to make sure I don't leave her or my step-dad in the lurch. She's moved down here from Florida and is still trying to get her bearings, relying on me for pretty much everything. She's calling way too often which is making it really hard to hide from Coby.

Why can't I just tell him?

I finish the finishing touches on a report I am writing for the current case I am working on. I am so glad that I decided to get back into the crime fighting element of police work. Some police officers normally find writing out reports annoying, but it really is interesting.

I pull my glasses off when I feel the door behind me open and the sound of footsteps walking back into the living room.

"So, who was that? Chris wanting more advice on his main squeeze?" I joke with a grin as I look up at Brian, chewing at the end of the my glasses as I wait for an answer.

I make a small non-commital noise, not really wanting to lie outright. Besides Coby would just ask Chris and it'd get complicated and things would just end up even more awkward.

"Nah, it was just a client. They've been meeting with me about their son, trying to win him back."

I'm quite proud of myself. It isn't technically a lie at all. My mom did come to me as a client, she is trying to win me over again. I move across to Coby, squatting behind him.

"What're you up to then?" I ask, changing the subject to make this easier on me.

"My God, they should know not to call you at home, it's not exactly polite in my opinion," I say as I look down at him squatted next to me.

"Oooh me?" I ask before looking down at the front page in front of me, "Oh, it's just the paper work for the murders of women in the city area. I swear I told you about it."

I look down at his face, smiling at that beautiful face, studying his face completely. And he looks a little... worried?

"You OK baby?" I ask him as I extend a hand out to his face and stroke his cheek affectionately.

"Mm, you probably did but you know me, mind like a sieve. Yay for the after-effects of alcohol abuse, right?" I say, half smiling.

I'm really proud of myself on that front. I've had one or two small slip-ups, but I've pretty much managed to stay sober for a two weeks now. I never expected it to go this well.

"I'm fine, really. Just got a lot on my mind, this case is kind of... close to home and..." I say, turning into his touch, "I'll be okay."

"Awww, well, if it ever gets too much for you, just talk to or at me about it. If you want," I say with a smile as I continue to stroke his cheek.

I love how affectionate we are with each other like this. It makes me realise what I have being missing for my whole life, and how I never want to let that feeling go again.

"So, did you want to do something tonight? Maybe go over to see how Matt is? Or we could, have some alone time?"

"Yeah, I know." I say, looking up, "And I probably will take you up on that at some point but right now I kinda... don't really feel I can. And it's nothing to do with you, it's just... a little touchy for me."

That's probably just made him worry even more. I should just come out with it now, just to keep him fromt hinking something's wrong. I look up into his eyes. The sweet, ocean blue eyes I've seen in my dreams every night for the past 25 years and finally have the chance to see looking happily back at me everyday. Bad idea. Now I hate myself for lying to him.

"Okay, I hate you for doing that." I inform him, looking away, "You have the ability to make me feel guilty just by being you. I need to tell you something and I don't actually know why I'm so afraid to do it."

I look at him with some confused expression as he looks away from me.

"Brian?" I ask, before getting out from my chair and taking a seat on the floor with him.

Bad idea, neither of us are going to be able to get up after this.

"Brian, baby, what's wrong?" I don't ask him too many questions, years of interrogation training have taught me not to over power someone with questions because you won't get the answers you are looking for.

"It's not anything that's really wrong so much as..." I start.

Then why have I hidden it from him? My mom knows about him. She knew the second I mentioned his name. I didn't even have to say he was my boyfriend, she just knew from the look in my eyes apparently. And she accepts this, she's fine with the fact I'm with another man.

"It's not really a case I'm working on... more... my mom." I explain, as eloquent as ever, "My actual mom, who I'd not seen since I was fuckin' 9, just turned up and... I needed to try and process it to find out if I wanted anything to do with her and... I don't even know why I hid it, y'know? I just... did."

"Your... your mom?" I ask him, not quite believing it myself.

"Is this the mom that left because of your Dad... abusing you?" I ask him, it's being a while since we discussed this for the first time, but I do remember the little details, and I remember the tears.

"How long have you being in contact with her?"

I am completely going against my ethics of questioning here, but I am shocked! I am aloud to break the rules every once and a while. And it's not like Brian is a crim. Why am I even trying to justify this in my own head! Shut up Coby...

I nod, "That's the one. And she was more thrown out and... but yeah, minor details. But yeah, my mommy."

I don't really know what it is but admitting all of this to Coby is just making it hit home that much harder. I've met with her a few times and it was just kind of something that happened. But now I'm talking to my lover about it, it's something more real. I can even feel myself shaking a little.

"She came to me about a month ago but I pretty much told her to fuck off and die." I explain, "That was when I slipped with the drink. But then I kinda convinced myself to give her a chance and we've been meeting for the past two weeks. I still don't know if I really forgive her, if I can accept her being around again. I'm sorry I never said anything, I just didn't know how."

I nod along to what he is saying, "It's OK. You don't need to feel bad about not telling me sooner. I mean, the last thing you'd need would be my opinion on the matter."

I say this, but I realise that after I said it, it's sounded a lot more mean that what it was meant to. I am actually OK with this, I understand why he didn't tell me, and I felt like he has being hiding something I just decided not to say anything. I am a little disappointed that he didn't tell me, but we've only being together a month, I can't expect him to tell me everything.

"That sounded a hell of a lot meaner than it was meant to," I say before I take a hold of Brian's hands and look into his eyes, "what I meant was you didn't need me telling you what to do or think. You needed to think about it on your own, get it straight in your own head first. So... I'm not mad at you for not telling me."

I smile at him. I'm so lucky I've got this guy. If I'd still been with... whatshername, I'd have been screamed through a number of walls by now. Coby seems to understand the meaning of personal space.

"Thanks." I say, lifting our joined hands to my lips, "I appreciate it."

I kinda of feel I should tell him about my son. But I'm pretty sure one family bombshell is enough for one day. I smile happily at him, a weight's been lifted now. I can get excited about her around someone now.

"She's dying to meet you by the way." I say, slightly unnerved by how young I sound when I'm talking about her. Then again, I've never had the chance to experience a real family life until now. I suppose I'm bound to be a little childlike about the whole thing.

"It's no problem Baby, but you know that I am here if you wanna talk about it all."

"I bet, I want to meet the woman that brought you into this world," I say with a smile and a laugh as I rub my fingers over Brian's thumb.

I smile at him and he smiles back at me. He does still look a little unnerved about something, he's got that look in his eyes.

"Is there anything else that's bothering you, Angel?"

"We'll have to sort something out then." I say, smiling at how well this is going, "It'll be nice to introduce my family to someone I really do care about. Someone I've met myself without any kind of crazy matchmaking scheme."

I try to keep up my smile but now he's asked, I know there's no way I'll be able to keep a potentially relationship ruining secret quiet. Maybe he'll get this one too? Maybe he'll be okay and we'll be okay and things won't be so impossibly awkward...

Or not.

"Well, there is something else..." I say, trying to think of how I'm going to get this out, "Something... kinda big and something I probably should have told you about nearly 21 years ago."

"Nearly 21 years ago?" I ask him, a little shocked by the amount of years, that just means what on earth could it possibly be.

"Well, what is it? Kind of a big secret that you've kept for a while?" I ask him, a little unnerved now, but I try to keep my face straight so he can't see that I am slightly worried by this.

"Big? Yeah, kinda... 6ft-ish." I say, cringing a little as I do so. Now really isn't the time for joking around.

"Y'know how we used to joke about how it was amazing I'd never actually got a chick pregnant considering all of the women I'd been with?" I say, hoping he lets me finish and doesn't explode on me before I've at least attempted to explain myself, "Well... that wasn't strictly true. See, there was a girl when I was young back in Jersey and... I ended up getting her pregnant. She wanted to get rid of the kid but her parents wouldn't let her, all strict-like."

I really hope he doesn't pick up on that, I feel physically sick everytime I think about what I did.

"And um... well, Zacky's new assistant, Josef? He's sort of mine."

I don't say anything, I just look at him, a little confused and a hell of a lot shocked. He's got a son? Why did I not see this coming? I always thought that maybe he did have a son or a daughter somewhere, but he didn't know about them.

"You... you have a so...Josef? He's... what?"

I don't think that I have ever being speechless in so long.

I can't believe it, although it is more than possible, I still can't imagine Brian haven't a kid. He just doesn't seem like he could be the parents type. Much to my dismay.

"Does... does Zacky know? Does Josef know? Does... oh man, my head hurts now."

"He's 21 in August." I explain, trying to go through his fractured questions in order, "Zacky knows but only coz... uh... well, never mind. Josef doesn't know yet. His mom always introduced me as a family friend, claimed her boyfriend was the dad - even though they didn't even meet until two years after he was born."

I feel so guilty now. He doesn't look like he wants me dead but I wouldn't be surprised. This guy was my best friend for years before he became my partner again. I should have told him this.

"I paid for him, y'know." I say, as if that's really going to make a difference, "I was there for him, he just didn't know who I was. His mom didn't think it was right to tell him."

I let out a long sigh before sitting back down on my ass on the floor as I feel a little bit dizzy and sick now.

"I don't know what to say," I say with my eyes wide, looking down at my hands in my lap.

"I'm just so shocked. I... I really shouldn't be because, it's always being possible. But still... why didn't you tell me?"

I now look up at him with questioning eyes.

Why didn't I tell him? There's a question I've been asking myself for years now. I mean, there are the obvious few reasons but Coby wouldn't have judged me for that. To be honest, I reckon if I killed a guy, he'd help fudge evidence to get me out of it.

"Well, for starters I was ashamed of it. Not him, you understand, he's pretty much amazing." I say, fatherly pride coming through even though I don't know him that well, "I was ashamed of me. I mean... his mom wasn't exactly... she wasn't the sort of person I should have been involved with and I hated myself for what I did to her for the longest time, even though I didn't know."

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