RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

I look over at him and smile weakly as a tear rolls down my cheek.

I look down at my hands in my lap, closing my eyes to let the silent tears fall into my closed hands in my lap.

"Brian, I have failed, fucked this up so badly, it's all my fault."

I shake my head, "No, Coby, this isn't your fault. This was an accident. You couldn't have seen this coming."

I rest my hand on his back and rub at his shoulders, "You can't blame yourself, baby. He was sick, it was an unfortunate fall. You got there as fast as you could."

"I should have stopped it Brian, I could have, he didn't fall Brian, it wasn't an accident."

I look up at him, biting into my lip and looking back in front of me.

"I heard things at night, while you were asleep. Chris and Alex fighting, screaming at each other. Then they would fuck, not make up sex but, sex to see who was on top. I was going to go and see Chris, tell him that Alex wasn't worth his time because he was just a control freak. Why do you think I wasn't friends with him anymore?"

Well this is new. I always knew there was a volatile nature in the quasi-relationship Alex and Chris shared. I hadn't expected it to be quite so bad. I thought it was just consensual rough sex. I didn't expect Alex to be capable of something so heartless.

"Then it still wasn't your fault, Alex... Alex did this." I say, "You've got nothing to feel guilty about."

"I could have stopped it, I could have reported him to the teachers, I could have kicked his ass myself."

Which I will be doing anyway soon enough.

"It may not have being my fault, but I could have stopped it, and that just makes it all worse."

I sigh, before resting my head in my hands, rubbing over my face before looking right in front of me again.

"He so didn't deserve that, no matter what he did, no matter how much we all hated him for what happened with Matt. It wasn't his fault at all, it was all that prick that I feel ashamed to call my friend a few months ago."

I can't really think of anything to say to him right now. There's nothing I can really say which will make him feel better. I just make do with continuing my soothing actions on his back while I try desperately to think of something I can do.

"You weren't to know how bad it got." I say, softly, "I mean, there's at least one fist fight a day in this place. You weren't to know it was this serious."

"I probably wouldn't have, but I still feel like shit because of it. He wasn't exactly my friend, but I still feel like I have lost a part of me," I say before moving a little closer into his touch.

"I love you Brian, I'm sorry about all this."

[[Sorry if I'm shit and make no sense, my mind is like in six different places right now.]]

"I know you do. And I'll be here through all of this, whatever you need." I say, holding him close to me, "Even if it's just to scream at someone or a hug, I'll be there for you. I promise."

I don't have any other words of help for him, I just hope they're good enough. I just sit holding him, giving him the chance to be the one who's comforted, rather than the comforter.

"It'll all work out okay in the end."

[[Don't worry about it. :)]]

"Yeah, I just, I have to deal with... Alex, next."

I know I don't really have to deal with him, and it's more a teachers job, but none of the teachers know about Alex. If I was to tell them, it would be likely they wouldn't believe me. He's too much of a nice guy for anyone to doubt.

So, I will have to take this into my own hands, and there will be blood on these hands.

Why do I get the idea Jacoby's dealings with Alex aren't going to end well? I can't say I blame him to be honest. Alex deserves everything he gets. He's practically a murderer. But I'd really rather Coby wasn't the one giving him the punishment. I'd really prefer him not getting thrown away somewhere for smashing Alex's head in.

"You need a mediator there?" I ask, "I mean, I don't want you to get in serious trouble because of that asshole."

"Ooooh, don't worry baby, I won't get in trouble," I smile at him reassuringly.

Not when we are going to have a meeting and vote on what should happen to that son of a bitch anyway.

Brian doesn't know this, but something like this has happened before. When Tim was the leader, and this was probably the only good thing I still admire him for doing. Some guy, from the oldest year was going around, raping the younger kids, and although Brian may think that rape is fine in this place. But not like this guy did. Basically, Tim made his life hell, how it should have being.

But now, it's my turn.

I smile back at him.

"Just make sure you don't." I say, tapping his nose, "I don't want to have to visit you in jail, bringing cakes with files in them."

It's a lame attempt at a joke but it's the best I can do right now. I'm just trying to ease the uncomfortable air around everything at the moment.

"Coz I can't actually cook and it'll end up being blown up, accused of being some terrorist threat."

I smile at him and sigh a laugh.

"Thanks Baby, for making me smile, I really appreciate you trying," I smile before kissing him softly on the cheek.

"So, what should we do now? Look after little Christian and Erika?"

I am trying to lighten the mood here as best as I can, but I've still got my mind completely clogged up.

"It's the least I can do, Cobes." I say, smiling at him.

I look to the little sacks of flour who are currently laid out on the computer desk where I dropped them, "I think they could probably do with some more looking after. Otherwise Matt might try and eat us again. Who knew he could be so scary?"

I squeeze his shoulder and make my way across to the kids, picking one up in each arm.

"Little Christian looks like he needs a cuddle from Uncle Coby."

I smile up at him as he passes me little Christian. I smile and sigh before taking Christian into my arms.

"Hey little guy, sorry we left you earlier, we didn't mean anything by it, I promise," I say to him as I tickle his tummy with my finger.

I rock him in my arms, trying my hardest to forget anything that has just happened. Try to focus on the baby that could be in my arms.

I smile down on Coby as I watch him with Christian. I know how vivid his imagination is, I can't help but hope that he'll be able to forget briefly about everything and just imagine the tiny baby with him.

I sit next to him with Erika, smiling down at her as I hold her to my chest. I've still just been seeing these as bags of flour, never really imagining them as actual babies. But now with everything, the loss of a life, they seem more real to me. I can almost imagine little Erika sucking her thumb as she nuzzles up against me.

"She's so sweet, they both are." I mutter without even realizing it.

"I know," I whisper.

"It's strange, even though they aren't real, they seem to make you forget everything, don't they?"

I say as I look over at Brian sitting next to me, holding little Erika close to him.

"Well when you have kids, you're supposed to foresake everything else. You do tend to spend most of your time worrying about them." I say, leaning my head on Coby's shoulder.

I shuffle closer to him, "They're cheeky little bastards like that."

"That is true," I say as I stroke Brian's hair as it rubs against my shoulder.

"But they aren't bastards," I whisper with a smile, "We can't swear around them."

"Well, we can, but we shouldn't, that and Matt would actually eat us again if Christian's first word was a swear word."

"Mmmm. There's only one person I want eating me and that's you... that sounded cuter in my head." I say, realizing I've just told Coby I want him to cannibalize me, "You know what I mean though."

I look back down to the kids. It's getting late, we should probably get them to bed or they'll be cranky in the morning and Matt will not apprecite a cranky baby. I just don't want to let them go though.

"Coby? I... I know this is going to sound really strange." I say, trying to think of how to word this, "But d'you think maybe... the kids could sleep with us tonight?"

I look down at Brian, a little confused by his sudden request but also a little endeared by the request.

"Yeah, they can if you want, I think I could do with some cuddles tonight actually," I say with a smile.

"So, do you wanna go to sleep like, now, I mean it's only..." I look over at the clock, my eyes widening as I see the flashing green numbers, "3am?!"

Jesus, time really has flown past.

"Exactly, and I kinda... figured maybe... I just wanted to know what it'd be like to have our kids with us. Even if they're not exactly both ours." I say, blushing a little.

I look up to the clock, "Jesus, it really is late..."

I rub my face, "Sleeping sounds great right now."

"Yeah, I mean, Matt might eat us like you said, if he had a cranky baby," I smile before getting up, putting little Christian down onto the bed before getting ready for bed.

I pull off my shirt quickly and my jeans go just as fast so I can just get into bed, even though I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight.

I discard my own clothing, throwing it aside. I normally make sure it's folded before I sleep, like the complete dork I am, but tonight I'm too tired. Besides, I want to be able to hold my boyfriend and my baby. I think they'll both need it tonight.

I slide into the bed, moving as close to Coby as I can without crushing Erika. I wrap my arms around him.

I kiss his shoulder, "I love you. If you need me at all tonight, you can't sleep, you want to talk, whatever it is. Just wake me, okay?"

"OK. But I'll be fine," I say with a smile and a lie.

I will be fine yeah, I won't sleep and my mind will just be going over and over what happened earlier. But I won't need Brian's comfort, if anything I just need to be alone with my thoughts.

"I love you," I smile to Brian, kissing him softly on the cheek before watching him slowly close his eyes.

I hope he doesn't not sleep tonight just because of what has happened today.

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