RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

"I guess but...I don't know, it's Matt. It just seems weird to me because me and him have gotten so close lately. All the girls I was with back home were more like... fuck buddies, that I never let get close to me."

I put the pillow to the side and bring my knees up to my chest and pick out the frayed holes at the knee.

"Besides, I don't even know if I'm gay or not. All I know is that I miss intimacy, of any type."

I know I'm probably blushing now. i don't normally talk about my sexual problems with anyone. Especially not Chris.

"You know, if I get too emo, please just hit me because I starting to piss myself off here as well."

"Duly noted." I say, with a smirk.

I sling an arm around his shoulder, "You know there's not always a black and white when it comes to sexuality. There's that whole gray area, the dreaded bisexual."

I pretend to shudder, "Disgusting creatures, they steal all the hottest guys. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, you don't have to be 100% gay. You could just try experimenting, fooling around, seeing what feels right to you."

It's not really fair me suggesting this to him. If he did this with Matt, he might get the wrong idea, if he did it with someone else, he'd end up destroying him.

"You might be one of those straight boys who'd just go gay for that one special person." I offer, "But y'know best way to find out is if you're hot for someone with a dick. Is there anybody here you've just looked at and thought 'fuck me, I would bone you so hard...'"

I blink a few times as I look at him, granted his advice is helping me but it's also scaring the shit out of me as well.

"Dude, you are scaring me." I offer before shaking my head and sighing.

"I guess I can try things out, y'know. With someone I trust first just so I don't end up with a broken heart and all." I smile.

But who can I trust now? Matt joked with my emotions. How can I trust him now after that? How will I know that he won't tell other people what we're doing? The problem is, I know he wouldn't but I can't get the ideas out my head that he would tell people.

"Chris?" I bite my lip.

"I don't think I can trust Matt after what happened today. But... I, do trust you. And..."

[[Dun dun dun! Drama!]]

Oh SHIT. This really wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to convince Alex to go and fuck Matt and let the big guy have his happily ever after.

"M-m-me? After everything I just said?"

I back away from him a little on the bed, "No, no, I can't... I mean, I'm a slut for starters and I'm your best friend and it'd be weird and..."

I can't do this, can I? I mean, it wouldn't be fair. The only reason no-one's tried anything on with Alex is because we all respect Matt too much. Fuck, even Zacky.

But maybe it'd shock Matt into doing something...

NO! I can't do this.

"No, you don't want that. I mean, I'm flattered." I say, "And it's not coz you're a virgin or anything, it's just... I can't..."

[[Could SO see that coming...]]

"Why the hell not then?!" I ask him.

Great, now I have creeped out my best friend. Ooooh, I am just doing great today, aren't I?

"No one fuckin' tries anything on with me. Matt was too scared. You're creeped out. Fuckin' Coby suddenly sobered up. What the hell is wrong with me then Chris?! Come on, tell me!"

I am actually getting pretty sick of this. It's like some unwritten law that you aren't supposed to sleep with Alex or show him any kind of sexual contact. That means, they are all hiding something from me. But what? WHAT?!

Gahhh, why did I have to be put in this position? I'm no good at smooth-talking my way out of things. I'll end up spilling everything and everyone will hate me and I'll have to make do with fucking the ugly kids. That's so not fair!

"There's nothing wrong with you, you are fucking incredible." I say, smiling, "You're just kinda... off-limits. I can't explain exactly why or I'll get killed and you don't want that to happen, right?"

The look on his face tells me that if I don't 'fess up, he'll kill me himself.

"There's someone who's already sort of staked a claim on you." I say, hoping this is enough, "We don't want to hurt him so we stay away. I can't tell you who it is so don't ask."

I'm going to get my ass beat by so many people here for this.

"That sounds like a pretty long way of saying that I'm worthless." I tell him.

I sigh and climb from the bed, rubbing the back of my head and going to grab my jacket.

"I'm going for a walk. Maybe by then you can think up a good enough reason why no one wants to fuck me." I say to him as I pull on my coat and look down at Chris.

I make my way over to the door and all but pull it off the hinges as I pull it open. I stalk my way down the halls towards the old abandoned pool.

I really need to think about this.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."

I've just insulted my best friend by keeping quiet for my other friend. There's no way I can make this right. Matt needs to go find him, he needs to tell him exactly how he feels and he needs to do it now before I do.

I lay back on the bed, staring holes in the ceiling. I hate this place sometimes.

[[Any ideas for what to do now? I kinda want Matt to 'fess up, haha.]]

[[Zacky/Mattness first? Chris maybe send Zacky a text or something?]]

"Oooooh yeah Baby. You're so dirty, aren't you?" I mutter as I rub my hand up my chest.

My hand working lazily on my dick, my tongue running over my lip as I image behind my closed eyelids. All I see burned into my eyelids is a gorgeously tattooed back facing me, arching perfectly as I thrust into the tight hole.

"Fuck, you're so tight, aren't you? Yeah," I answer the question for them.

My toes curl against the bed sheets as I thrust my hips up into my hand, fucking my hand as if the body beneath me is real.

I storm into Zacky's room, not knocking for the first time ever, ready to throw a fit on him.

"Just pretend you want to fuck him, you say! That went perfectly! I fucked everything up! Alex hates me!" I snap, sitting down on the bed next to him, before realizing what he's doing.

I jump up from the bed with a yelp, "Shit, don't you ever lock that door?"

[[Let's have some Matt/Zacky. I've not seen Dimples for too long, haha. Besides big emo Matt's cute.]]

I let my eyes return back to the normal state, from being wide and ready to scream as a smirk appears on my face.

"Didn't do well then?" I ask him and he gives me a stern look.

I can't help but chuckle a little, stern never suited Matt.

"OK. OK. Don't get your panties all up in a twist." I say as I wave him off.

I pull on my boxers, touching my still hard dick as much as I can in the process. What? I can't help it. That was a fucking good fantasy.

I sit crossed legged on the bed, my hands falling into my lap so I am still able to do some subtle fiddling.

"So, what happened? What did you do?"

"I went to see him and I started hinting at wanting to fuck him, pretending I was high so if he took it wrong, I could blame the weed, yeah?"

I'm vaguely aware of Zacky's hand movements but I couldn't really give a shit right now, I'm too torn up.

"He got all nervous and shit, all freaked out like. So I panicked and I said I was joking. I thought it'd be the best way to get out of an uncomfortable situation but he went all schizo on me and told me to get out and now he hates me." I finish in one breath, "And I'm never going to have a chance with him now."

I lay back on the bed, "I should just have stayed the friend. Anything would have been better than him hating me."

"Matt. Why did you have to pull the whole 'it's a joke, I didn't mean it' sort of thing. You always do it and it never works, does it?" I say to him.

I look down at him laying there and I stop rubbing myself through my boxers for a minute. Knowing that if I start up again later, it'll feel so much more intense. But that's not what I should be thinking about right now. I shouldn't be, but I am.

"Well isn't it obvious that if he went all nuts on you when you said it was a joke that he wanted you too?" I tell him.

I'm not sure how Alex works with this type of thing, but I know that whenever I offer Mick something and then don't give it up and just laugh at him that he gets all shitty and moody. So... could be the same thing. Who knows?

"I panicked! He looked so freaked out, I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and..."

It's only at this point that my mind registers what Zacky just said, "Wait, he wants me too?"

I had thought this myself when it happened but at the same time I was so overwhelmed with how angry he got at me that I didn't let myself focus on it. I've never seen Alex explode like that on anyone. Maybe he was just upset coz I'd crushed his dreams or something? I allow myself to smile a little at the thought before reality comes crashing down.

"Well I've still got no chance. I fucking screwed him over, didn't I? I made him feel like an idiot. He's not going to forget that anytime soon."

"Well not if you don't explain yourself to him. Explain that you're an idiot and that you didn't mean to make fun of him. Tell him that you were scared that his fear was a sign of rejection?" I say to him, a little more questioningly than I had intended.

But I don't know, do I? I mean, this doesn't happen to me. If someone doesn't want to fuck me I assume there is something wrong with them, not me. I mean, look at me. What could be wrong with me?

"So... what are you going to do?"

There's the million dollar question. What are you going to do, Sanders? You can't just sit around here, moping. You take Zacky's advice again and even if things do work out, you're still just the friend. You leave it and he's going to keep hating you and you'll be left depressed and broken-hearted. Of course, there's one other option.

"I'm going to tell him, Zacky." I say, not even needing to elaborate, "If he hates me as it is, it can't really get much worse, right?"

I'm shaking now, I'm assuming it's the nerves or it's suddenly got cold in here.

"I've spent three years watching him from afar, I got closer to being with him this morning than I ever have before. I need to get it out there. It's time I stop being such a pussy."

"YES!" I yell as I jump up from my position on th bed and go to pull Matt up by his hand.

I pull Matt up by the hands and look him in the eye.

"Now. You are going to take my advice this time? No making jokes. No laughing. Just honesty, got it? I hate seeing you all emo and shit."

I start to push Matt to the door to get him out of the room so this can be fixed. We have all being waiting for this for years. I am going to win this bet whether I'm dead or alive.

"Just honesty." I repeat, "I can do that. I might make a complete cunt out of myself at first but fuck, he's got to be used to that by now right."

I pause at the door of Zacky's room, before quickly running back in and grabbing my sweater. I pull it back on quickly and pull up my jeans.

"I'm doing this my way. I might feel more comfortable if I'm talking to Alex as Geek-Matt, rather than Sexy-Matt." I say, explaining myself, adjustuing the shirt under the jumper, "Okay. Okay..."

I'm weirdly excited, nervous as hell but really excited at the same time. I just hope this goes to plan. I mean, he doesn't even have to tell me he loves me, just that he could or, or that he likes me or... just not completely throwing me aside would be great.

The pool it is. [I stalk his MySpace, he was either going to be there or in his ex-girlfriend's closet.]

I watch as Matt leaves my room, nearly almost skipping down the hall.

"What is it with that sweater?" I ask myself while shaking my head.

I shut my bedroom door again and lean against the door frame with a sigh. I look down at the tent in my boxers with a huge grin.

"Now, maybe you and me can finally have some alone time, yes?" I say before all but throwing myself on my bed.

"Mmmm, well hello there Chris... yes, it's very big, isn't it?"

I sit with my feet drawing circles in the surprisingly clean water. I'm only sitting here now in my underwear as I decided to go for a swim earlier and I didn't want to end up dying by swimming in jeans.

I'm feeling a little bit better now about this whole Matt thing. I'm still pissed at Chris though for not telling me why no one wanted to fuck me. I am also pissed at him for not coming after me.

"God, I really hate this place sometimes." I speak to my reflection in the water.

"It's like I'm the only straight guy here sometimes. But I know I'm not completely straight. I've jerked off imagining guys before. It's not such a big deal. But, why don't they want you? You aren't exactly ugly, are you?" I say to the reflection.

My legs are actually jelly at this point. I don't know if I'm going to physically be able to stand when I'm in front of Alex. Fuck, I don't even know if he'll let me get my two cents in. No, no, got to think positive.

I can hear his voice as I walk down to the pool. He's talking to himself. So cute. As I move past one of the pillars, I can see him, sitting at the side of the pool. His toned, cut back, head hanging down. My heart is racing. I'm so fucking scared right now.

I lean against the pillar and take a deep shaky breath.

Come on, Matt, you can do this.

I push myself off the pillar and cross over to where Alex is, announcing my presence by answering his rhetorical question.

"Nope. Definitely not ugly."

My head snaps up with wide eyes to see how's snapped me out my thoughts. When I see it's Matt, I sigh and go back to looking down at my reflection in the water.

"What do you want? Haven't you humiliated me enough today as it is?" I ask him.

I continue to swell my feet around in the pool and I try to forget that he's here. Actually, how would he know I was here in the first place?

[[BRB!!!!!]]

I take a deep breath, partially to remind myself to remain calm, to act like a human being. Partly because I haven't actually breathed since I saw him saat here. Oh the things you do to me Alex.

"Well for starters I need to apologize to you." I start, "I kind of screwed up earlier."

I sit down next to him, crossing my legs under me so I don't get my feet wet.

"Well, not so much kind of did as actually did really fucking badly." I say, with a half laugh, "I never meant to hurt you Alex, I'd never do that intentionally. Not to you."

I bite the inside of my cheek as I listen to him speak. I turn to him with my feet still in the water.

"Then why did you Matt? Why was fucking me such a fuckin' joke to you? Why is it such a joke to everyone in this God Damn place?!" I yell looking at him directly in the face.

I sigh and look back down at my lap, "Look, let's just forget it, yeah? I'm just the big joke here as it is, you've kicked me enough so don't bother doing it while I'm down. Please, just give me that much."

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