RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

"Yeah," I say in a slightly dreamy voice as I look out at the city lights.

I smile to myself before getting back into reality to see the tears streaked cheeks of Brian Haner and realising why I am here. I frown a little.

"Hey, it's no problem man," I say as I pull him over to a bench and sit down on it with him, "It's not every day I hear the words Jacoby, fight, and said some fucked up things."

"So, you wanna start from the top?" I ask him, "And take your time, OK?"

I take a deep breath, nervously tapping my fingers on my thighs, something I've found myself doing a lot recently. The rhythm, the simple musicality of it relaxes me in a way nothing else can.

"Okay, well, he'd gone out to deal with Alex and... and he was gone for a long fuckin' time. I mean, Alex's dorm is next to ours. So I'm getting worried and pissed off, right?" I explain, looking across to Zacky, "And he comes back like three hours late and he's fucking pissed and stoned out of his fucking head. Of course he doesn't get why I'm so pissed off at him. He's also fucking horny as hell. And... well, Coby and I, um, we haven't gone all the way yet."

I turn away, I don't want him to think I'm completely pathetic. I stare across at the roof entrance sign on the door.

"Um, so I'm telling him I don't want him drunk because I... well, like the giant loser I am, I want my first time to be special. I know a lot of guys in this place wouldn't get that but... well I'm a traditionalist, right?"

I take a deep breath now, needing to calm myself down a little before continuing with the story.

I just want to grin so much at Brian being so sweet and adorable about this. Which scares me a little, but it's true, no one in this place is really big on the whole tradition of a proper relationship. It's nice to see someone that wants to break the mould.

But getting back to the point, Coby was stoned and drunk? He must be really upset over this whole Chris thing.

Coby was always the one to tell us lot at a younger age not to drink and do drugs at the same time because the effects will be disastrous. He obviously wants to forget something. Hmmm...

I nod along to what he is saying, sitting crossed legged on the bench so I can look at him without twisting my neck. I smile at him and place my hand on his knee as I notice his breathing start to get shaky.

"It's OK Brian, carry on," I say to him soothingly.

It's so hard telling people this. I've only ever had to explain myself once and that was to Coby and he's just thrown it all back in my face. I'm kind of reluctant to tell someone else. But I guess it opens up the support system a little more and might make me seem a little bit less pathetic with my insistence about waiting for sex.

"Okay, um... well, there's sort of... another, slightly... worse reason I'm..." I start, struggling to form full sentences, "There's something I kinda need to tell you before I carry on, coz... it doesn't make sense otherwise."

I rest my elbows on my knees, rubbing my hands together nervously, "When... when I was a kid, my uncle... well, my real dad technically, he... um..." I take a deep breath, calming myself down. I can do this, I can explain myself, I can get all of this out and everything will be just a little bit easier, "He... he... fucking hell, I can't even say it now. He used to... do things to me."

I rub at the tears which are brimming in my eyes again, "And because of that, I'm a little... frightened when it comes to intimacy with another man."

I blink a few times, not quite believing what I am hearing.

"But, you seem so well adjusted to be abused, you..." I shut myself up and shake my head, "Sorry, I just, I would have thought that you'd be one of the few in this place with the decent family life."

I stop now and rub his hand on his knee, "Don't listen to me, I'm just speaking what I'm thinking, and that's never good. Just, carry on with the story, I understand about your past, you don't have to tell me anymore. Unless you want to."

I should really just be quiet now.

"Well adjusted? Believe me Zacky, I'm anything but. I'm just... good at hiding things." I say, a half smile.

Once again I feel lighter for having gotten this off my chest. But then the memories of what Coby said to me come spilling back and suddenly, I'm not quite so light anymore.

"Okay, well, there's... really not much else to tell on that front. I'm beaten whenever I go home because the guy I thought was my dad blames me for his brother being so screwed up. It's a complicated story, you don't need to hear it." I can't believe how nonchalant I'm being right now. It's not a subject rife for nonchalance. Then again, I'm so upset over Coby right now, nothing else can really touch me.

"So, yeah, that's... another reason Coby and I have never had sex yet. But he was drunk and horny and high and so insistent, he was so cruel to me, telling me to drop the act, telling me he was sick of being patient and... it wasn't like him at all and God, it hurt so fucking bad."

The tears are brimming over again, I wipe at my eyes roughly, "I'm sorry, I must seem like a complete loser idiot right now."

That is not like Coby at all. He isn't the type of person to just be so cruel, he's such a chick about those sort of things. If he was having problems and wanted sex, he'd tell someone, and they'd tell someone and then Mick would spread it around the school. And I have heard nothing. This isn't the truth.

"You don't Brian, don't worry," I say with a smile as I shift in my seat and take a hold of Brian's hands.

"Brian, Coby told all of us last year the effects of when you mix drink with drugs. He didn't mean what he said, no matter how bad it hurt, once he sees how badly he's hurt you, he'd feel worse," I say.

"You know about Tim, right?"

[[No he doesn't!!!! mwhah!

]]

I pull my sleeves over my hands and rub over my eyes and my nose. Just getting rid of all the disgusting leakages around me. I feel like I'm a little kid who scraped his knee. Zacky's like my mom, except still around.

I shake my head, "I've heard the name mentioned around a few times. I just... I kinda gathered he was an ex. I don't really know anything else about him."

Oh fuck.

"Er, you mean that Coby hasn't told you about him?" I ask him, feeling a little guilty that I have actually mentioned him now.

I bite into my lip, hoping that Coby has told him that he is just an ex, or that Coby has mentioned him at all. But something tells me that Coby hasn't mentioned him, he was really hurt by Tim. I can understand why he hasn't told Brian about him.

"Nope." I say, sniffling painfully hard once again, my sinuses feeling like they've completely blocked themselves off, "I'm guessing this is something he probably should have told me, right?"

I don't understand why Coby doesn't feel like he can tell me about the guys he's been with before. It's not like I'm going to judge him for having a past, that'd be pretty shitty of me. I don't care if he's been with other guys, if I'm not his first love. All that matters to me is that I'm with him now. Unless something really bad happened between them and he's ashamed?

"Well, I really shouldn't be telling you this but, you're so upset and this might make you feel a little differently. I don't know."

I really do just want to tell him, he does have a right to know. I mean, Tim was an ex, he's not coming back. He's just... an asshole. The look on Brian's face is telling me that he really just wants to know. Who am I to deny him the truth?

Granted I wasn't here to know the whole story. I only know what has being passed down to me through the years. But, I do have the clarification from Tony that it's all true.

"Well, Tim is, Coby's ex. He was the past block leader. Everybody loved him, like everyone loves Coby now. Tim would help anyone in need. But he had a secret. And Coby did too. Jacoby was about thirteen when he came here, and Tim was seventeen at the time. It took Tim about three weeks to sink his claws into Coby, as he was fresh meat, and Tim could have everyone he wanted."

I watch Brian carefully now as I tell him more, "Tim was great at first, gave Coby everything he wanted. Held him in the hallways, kissed him when he was confused about what he was feeling. But behind closed doors, things happened. Coby was only fourteen when Tim first, violated him, took his innocence and... they didn't use a condom, so, Coby... Coby got pregnant..."

I can feel my hands coming to my mouth all of their own accord. My poor baby, my poor Coby. All my disgust and anger for him has albut disappeared now. It shouldn't have because he was still a complete asshole to me tonight. But I can't help myself when it comes to my Coby.

"Oh my God."

It explains a lot, like why he's so sweet and gentle when it comes to our flour baby, why he's so sweet and patient with me usually.

I gesture to Zacky to go on. I know I should be hearing this from Coby but I don't think he's in a fit state to tell me and it's not really the kind of thing ones drops into conversation.

"You know that getting pregnant at fourteen is pretty big news. But it was keep under wraps, no one knows about from me and Tony. He told me, but that's not the worst part of it," I look up at Brian again and I can see the tears brimming in his eyes again.

"Tim wanted Jacoby to get an abortion, but Coby wanted to keep it. The teachers made him get an abortion, they said that if he had the baby, it would cause an international riot, so Coby got rid of it. And after that Tim was never the same again. He started to abuse Coby, hit him, rape him, you name it. He didn't love him anymore, but Coby just couldn't get away, because he had no body else, because everybody loved Tim so much."

I look at Brian, "Look. I know what Coby did to you tonight was wrong on so many levels, but I can stand up for him on this. The guy has being through a lot, he was thrown in here because his mom didn't love him anymore. Tim threw him around like he didn't matter. And now he's got all his stress of being a leader through a really depressing time. All I can say to you is, just, don't put him up on such a high place, because he's gonna fall."

I can't believe this. I can't believe how badly my poor Coby was treated. I feel like such a dick for the way I treated him. I shake my head and laugh mirthlessly.

"How, how could anyone do that to him?" I ask, feeling my eyes fill with tears now for my poor broken lover, "How could anyone do that to anyone?"

I push my hair back from my face, "I kinda feel guilty now for going nuts at him."

Then again, he did deserve it, he was an asshole tonight.

"No, it's OK, man. You weren't to know," I say as I move closer to him and wrap my arms around his shoulder, bringing him in for a hug.

"Look, if I know Coby like I think I do, he's probably gone somewhere now to sleep off the alcohol and the drugs, like a stairwell or something," I say as I rock him a little.

I am not sure where he'd be likely to sleep. I just hope it's not in the arms of someone else. I don't know anger, drunk Coby that well.

I can't help but smile a little at the thoughts of Coby curled up in some corner somewhere sleeping. Although if I know him like I think I do, he'd probably be elsewhere.

"Or he'll be with Tony." I say, "Probably bitching about how I'm a prude one second then crying on him over how horrible his words were."

I look out over the city, the sun is beginning to rise. Meaning the horny kids will be up and about soon, taking advantage of the showers and any other free public spot.

"One day, I'd love to see the sunrise over the city without tears in my eyes."

"Awwww Brian, you're such a sap," I say with a little laugh, trying to make him smile as I hug him closer to me.

"Yeah, he'll probably be with Tony, which means Tony will be bitching tomorrow about how he didn't get any sleep because of a crying and no doubt, puking Coby," I say with a smile on my face.

And hopefully Tony won't cave in to the horny Coby that you had to suffer with.

I smile down on him before looking out over the city myself, "I think we should all go to the city again one cay, Christmas last year was so much fun and we could have done with you there. Would have cheered Coby up."

"Maybe I should buy Tony some porn as an apology." I say, half smiling.

I look down at the little moving lights along the streets, people are up already, Or possibly still up. Those poor folks. I can't help but wonder what they're doing there.

"Dare I ask what happened last Christmas?" I ask, leaning on Zacky, "Terrorizing single parents, flaunting your sexuality through gang territories, flirting with Crips then dumping them for Bloods?"

I laugh a little at his comment, "No. It was a girly shopping day, to the max, but with gay men."

I think back to what happened that day. Six guys all walking around with shopping bags, sipping on Starbucks smoothies, all of us with over-sized sunglasses screaming and commenting on how fine every guy that walked passed was.

"Ooooh yeah, that was a good day," I laugh.

"Shopping? Well, I suppose I could force myself to enjoy that. And if there just so happens to be groping going on in changing rooms, mores the better." I say, wiggling my eyebrows.

I sit up off Zacky and let out a long shaky breath, the kind which only comes after a long cry.

"Of course you'll have to keep me from sneaking into the lingerie sections and spying on the chicks in there. I haven't seen a woman in months, except Brody and... well I kind of think of her as a man with tits."

"Don't worry, I'm sure that Jacoby will make you forget all about those woman and their nasty, nasty tits," I laugh.

I love how since I have being with Matt, my love for woman has slowly gotten less and less as I know that the man is the way to go. So, I guess I am officially gay now.

I smile weakly at Brian, ready to get back into the seriousness of the this conversation.

"So, you're OK now then? You ready to go back to your place now?"

"You're probably right. He's much more appealing to me." I say with a smile.

I'm not really sure what I am these days. I know women still intrigue me, I am still attracted to them. But then there's Coby who's just... fucking everything. I do find other guys attractive but I wouldn't want to go anywhere near them in a sexual sense.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Kinda left Erika alone actually, I'm a bad dad." I say, pulling a face, "Well there goes our A, heh."

I look back to Zacky, "Thanks by the way, you really helped me tonight. You're a good friend Zee."

"Well, I won't tell Corey if you don't, and sometimes things are a little more important than assignments," I smile at him, slightly glad that we get to give in our babies tomorrow, since I want my Mattie back.

"It's no problem man, I blame Matt for this new mellow nature, so you can thank him."

I laugh a little before patting Brian on the back.

"Well, I'm gonna get back to Matt, so he doesn't worry about me. You'll be OK on your own, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. You leave a teenage boy alone in his room, he'll find ways to amuse himself." I say, with a half laugh.

I don't really feel up to anything I'm joking about but it keeps the silly smile on my face so it's okay I suppose. I'll probably just read or play my guitar for a few hours. I don't see me getting sleep anytime soon.

"I'll get Matt an extra cookie tomorrow to say thanks." I say as I get up from the bench, stretching out.

"Yeah, that'll make him feel better. But only give it to him if I say so, I don't want him worrying about me for no reason," I say before making my way towards the large fire doors.

I look back at Brian to see him looking out at the New York scenery again. I smile slightly.

"I'll see you in the daylight Brian," I say softly before smiling and turning my heel.

I make my way down the stairs towards the main halls, which are now crawling with people getting ready to go and get showers and get ready for lessons. God, how long was I up on the roof with Brian?

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