RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

[[Well I am actually getting kicked off right now so I don't really have chance, haha!]]

[[OK then. We shall leave it then 'til tomorrow? Because I have nooooo ideas at all.]]

[[I shall post an intro in the morning! :P]]

[[KAY KAY!!! wink

]]

I love watching the faces of kids when they get these bags of flour. They all look so confused and slightly afraid. Especially when I don't bother explaining what's going on for a good few minutes after they get them.

I sit on the desk just watching them all for a long moment. Some of them seem to have figured out the basic idea behind this. Others are trying to figure out when they'll be given eggs to make cakes.

"Haner, you're holding your child upside down."

A smile comes across my face as I see Shaddix slap him on the arm and take the baby from him.

"Okay, boys, these are your new children. Seeing as you weren't aware male pregnancy was a possibility, the schoolboard thought you should learn how to look after a child. And as we're too cheap to buy the fancy electronic children, we're going back to basics with flour babies." I say, grinning, "You will name this child, you will look after it, you will feed it, you will make sure your childs every need is met." I explain, "Then in two weeks, you will be graded on your abilities. And possibly have a minor form of schizophrenia."

"So for the remainder of the lesson, I want you to bond with your child. Name him, get to know what he likes, hold him, be good parents." I say, "And remember as parents you don't even have to like each other, just love your lovely little baby."

I look down at the brown bag of flour that Coby is now holding.

"Seriously, Cobes, what kind of gnarly shit were you smoking when you were pregnant with him?" I ask, "Coz that does not look like any kind of normal child to me."

I don't get how this is supposed to teach us about the consequences of unprotected sex. How the fuck am I supposed to bond with a bag of flour? It's a cake ingredient, it's not a baby. I am not capable of loving an unmade cake.

"Awww, this is such a COOL idea!" I say bouncing up and down in my seat as I hold the bag of flour baby on the table. I always remember the older kids back in high school who got to do this, I was always jealous of them that I didn't get to do this at school. But now, I can!

"Bri, what should we call her?!" I ask Brian as I turn to him, he looks less than impressed about this whole idea. How can he?

"Brian!" I slap at his arm, "Stop frowning. You'll make baby sad."

"Hovis?" I offer.

I'm actually a little bit afraid of how enthusiastic Coby is over all of this. I swear to God, the second he starts searching for private schools, I'm cooking her. IT. It, it's a bag of flour. It has no gender.

"Kingsmill?"

"NO!" I put both of my hands on the side of the baby's head and glare at Brian.

"She can hear you, and you'll upset her!" I say angrily to him before looking back at the bag of flour.

"I'm sorry Sweetie, Daddy B's try cranky this morning," I smile as I tickle the flours... well, tummy.

"Daddy B's just confused as to how you've got so much love for a bread bun fetus." I say, trying to see anything remotely loveable about this bag of flour.

I will admit seeing Coby being all protective of it is fucking cute but short of that, I have no feelings towards my child. I am so going to fail at parenthood.

"How are we supposed to know what it wants? I mean short of an oven."

I'm trying to stop with the cookery jokes but I can't help myself. I'm a terrible person and I want to eat my child, so sue me.

"Stop with the bread jokes Brian!" I yell at him before staring wide eyed and looking back at the flour on the desk.

"Awww, I'm sorry Baby, Daddy J didn't mean to yell," I say as I cradle the flour to me and smile down on her.

I look back at Brian and answer his question, "I'm not completely sure, I guess we just... do all the things that are in this booklet," I point to the booklet on the table, "And hope for the best."

[[Now I've started I just can't stop!!!]]

I pick up the booklet on the desk, looking through it. Feeding, changing, late night feeds, what the fuck is all this? IT'S A BAG OF FLOUR! I figure I better at least attempt being supportive.

"And if we do a good job, she'll grow up to be big and doughy. And one day she'll meet a nice block of butter who wants to whisk her away from her loving parents." I hold my hands up, "Last one, I promise."

I look down on Coby cradling the bag of flour, "What makes you so sure she's a she anyway?"

"You'll see when you change her diaper big boy," I say with a little cheeky grin before looking down at the little bag of flour in my arms.

"Now, I was thinking maybe we could call her... Erika?" I look over at Brian for his say and his suggestions.

"And nothing bakery based."

[[ZOMG! Zacky Baker and the flour baby! I Died

]]

"So there..."

I resist the temptation to finish my sentence. I'm pretty sure 'So there's no baguette down there?' will cause Coby to leave me and apply for full custody of our little bundle of flour.

"I like Erika." I say with a smile, mainly because I can't think of any suggestions which aren't bakery based.

I'm trying to force myself to feel any kind of feelings for this bag of flour but I'm still coming up with nothing. I'm sure Coby's going to end up drawing a little face on her within the next few hours. Maybe that'll help.

"I do have one question though." I say, pretending to tickle under Erika's chin, "Who's is she? I mean, she doesn't look anything like me and I know for a fact I did not get you pregnant."

"What are you accusing me of Brian?" I ask him as I furrow my brow at him.

"Of course she looks like you, she has your tan, y'see, wholemeal flour," I say as I point across the front of the packet and the large writing that says Wholemeal.

"Erika is as mine as she is yours, I mean," I start to put on a French accent, "Do you not remember that romantic night in a Roma, you, me, candle light."

My boyfriend has gone insane. He's pointing out similarities between me and a bag of FLOUR. I am never waking him up with surprise blowjobs again. I think his sanity is in my stomach now.

"Ohhh, that night." I say, playing along with him, also in a dreamy French accent, "Cheri, how could I forget?"

I try desperately hard not to burst into mad giggles right now.

"That was the night I told you I wanted to put a ring on your finger and you took in the wrong way..." My accent is waning now, I sound like an extra from 'Allo Allo, "You naughty boy."

I smile at him now, finding all this highly amusing. I love this banter between the two of us.

"Yeah, I'm still a little embarrassed about that," I giggle before looking back down at our little flour baby again.

"Do you want to hold her Brian? She's reaching out to you."

I look between 'Erika' and Coby. There's one blatantly obvious problem here. Dear Erika has no arms. There's no reaching, there's not even general leaning. I roll my eyes and choose to humour him though. I am definitely the man in this relationship.

I take the tiny little bag of flour from him, trying to hold it in the correct way. I don't really want to be beaten to a pulp for not holding my own child correctly. I support the little floury head and hold her close to me. I still feel nothing.

"Hiiiiii Erika!" I say in a weirdly high voice as I look down on 'her'.

I'm resisting making more bread jokes. I half expect the flour to bite me if I do that.

I put the finishing touches to little Christian's smiling face.

"You know, I think you're definitely the most handsome baby here. Then again, you came from me and your other daddy, you're definitely going to grow up to be a good looking boy." I say, grinning at my new son.

I pick little Christian up and sit him on my knee. I look across to Zacky.

"You don't think the big grin was too much, do you? I just... I want us to have a happy baby."

I giggle at our little bag of flour and look back up at Matt again. I'm really not sure about this project, sure I want to make a good impression and practise for when the real thing comes along. But I'm also not sure exactly whether I'll be any good at this. I just hope I don't drop the flour or something.

"Naw, it's perfect. I mean, what baby wouldn't be happy when it has us for parents?" I laugh before noticing the little green eyes that Matt's drawn on.

"Awww, he's got my eyes!" I say in an overly high pitched voice.

I cough, just to regain myself before looking around the room. That was overly gay even for me.

I laugh at Zacky.

"Yup, your eyes and my dimples." I point out the little markings on him, "He's got the best of both worlds now. With those two features going for him, no-one will be able to resist him."

I lean my head against Zacky's arm. I look round at all the other kids, Brian's being slapped for holding his child upside down, Mick just looks afraid at being given a bag of flour and straight Matt's weirdly getting along quite well with his.

I look to Zacky, "Thank you for giving our baby the gift of life."

I peck him on the cheek. I'm being corny but I can't help myself. I love kids. I wanted to be a pediatrician when I was younger. But then I realized I hate sick people and decided a computer games designer would bring just as much fun to the kids.

"Aww, Matt, you're so sweet," I say before leaning down at kissing his lips softly.

The butterflies are there again, he's so sweet sometimes, he's such a biog softy with things like this. I know how much he loves children and I how that this is the one thing that is actually going to get me through this whole ordeal with Mick.

"And thank you, for helping me create this life," I giggle before kissing his nose and tickling under little Christian's chin.

I smile as I watch him interact with our baby. He's going to be such a good dad when Mick's kid comes along. I just hope I'll manage to be a decent step daddy too. I don't want the baby to hate me.

"Y'know I'm not comfortable with this whole naked thing. He's a target for perverts." I ramble without even realizing I'm doing it.

I pull the hat from my head and take off the bandanna I always wear under it. I lay Christian down and wrap the bandanna around him in a sort of diaper fashion.

"That's much better."

I laugh a little at Matt's cuteness, "Awww."

"I hope that we get some diapers for the little one, I mean, we're gonna run out of bandana's otherwise," I say as I look around the classroom for any sign of a teacher. But there is no one around.

"Maybe Corey went to get the supplies or something because, I don't know about you, but I don't have diapers, or a bottle... or anything baby related."

"I'm just hoping we don't have to breastfeed him." I say, smirking, "I've seen male breast feeding. I... looked online and y'know, it was there and... well it was pretty weird."

I try to fight the images in my head of Zacky breastfeeding Christian. Of course in my head, Christian is an actual, real live wriggling, squealing little kid. It's a strange image but at the same time it's actually really sweet. Sort of, romantic in a way. Him nurturing this little being we've created ourselves? I would love that.

"Sorry, I kinda... spaced out there."

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