RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

"Erm, I came here to..." I close the door behind me, guessing that his slightly bitter welcome to me was still a way of letting me in.

"...I came to talk to you about something."

I take a seat on the bed behind him, watching him with a small smile as he turns his chair to me.

My God, this is going to be so hard. When was the last time I apologised to anyone and meant it?

Something's wrong. He wants to talk. Zacky doesn't talk. Zacky fucks. Could he like so many before him be about to admit his love for the great Mick? Not that that idea in any way makes me any kind of happy. I'm not in this for love, even if there is some fucked up kind of feelings like that towards Zacky.

"I see. Well, Zee, unless you've come to tell me that you want me to fuck you six ways to Sunday, I'm just not interested." I wave my hand at my laptop, "I'm a very busy man."

I cross my legs and lean back on the chair.

"No, I'm not here for that," I say before taking a deep breath.

I tap my fingers on my knees, one of my nervous habits from when I was a kid that I haven't visited in a while. Jesus, I really am changing. I sigh, trying to think of the words that I can say.

"Look, I'm- I came here because I wanted, I wanted to apologise," I say before looking up at him.

"I'm sorry, sorry for being such a jerk for all this time. It wasn't fair on you, I just did it because... I was angry and you were easy to take it out on because you... you sort of reminded me of something. So, I'm sorry."

I know it's rude but I actually couldn't give a fuck right now. I start laughing at him, looking around the room. This has got to be a hidden camera trick. There's a room full of kids somewhere laughing their balls off at this.

"Bull-fucking-shit." I say, with an amused smirk, "Who's idea was this one then Zee? Tony? Must have been, this wreaks of him."

I get up from my chair, still half laughing. I walk to the window, "What makes you think I'd even contemplate forgiving you for the things you've done to me?"

"This isn't a joke, I swear."

I get up from my place on the bed and walk over to him.

"I am truly sorry, seriously. And there isn't a thing I can do to make it up to you, I know that. I just, I hope that I can at least clear the air somewhat. I don't want you to hate me, because as much of a bastard I am, I don't want anyone to hate me."

OK, this doesn't sound a thing like me. Hell, I wouldn't even believe myself either if I was him.

"Well you're failing there because I do." I turn round to face Zacky, "I hate you Zacky. I hate what you did to me, I hate what you've turned me into, I hate the fact I love you and I fucking hate that damn shirt!"

I flick his collar to prove my point. It's easier to focus on the stupid things rather than the bigger picture. It causes me to think less and means less wrinkles. If I focus on that, the tears fighting to escape will stay back and won't ruin my perfect make-up.

"There's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind. There never will be so you're wasting your breath."

I move past him and sit back on my chair, turning back to my laptop.

I sigh and look up to the ceiling before walking after him.

"Look, I can't say anything else, can I?" I ask him.

He doesn't answer me, just goes back to his fuckin' typing.

"Look, I am trying to make things better here, maybe so we can actually be friends but if you just want to be a diva bitch then fine."

I knew this was a fucking bad idea. I sigh dramatically before making my way to the door of his dorm, yanking it open and slamming it firmly behind me as I make my exit.

Stupid Matt, stupid Matt and his stupid fucking making things right ideas.

I can't fucking believe the nerve of that man sometimes. He's so fucking infuriating! I stare at the screen of my laptop through bleary eyes, trying to type a response to this ugly bitch.

I can barely see the keys anymore. This isn't like me, this isn't the person I am! I don't cry, I didn't cry when I was in the home, I didn't cry when I was sent here, I didn't cry when I found out my parents never wanted to see me, I just don't fucking cry! Why the hell am I close to crying now?

I hate you Zacky, I hate you so fucking much.

The nerve of that boy. I try to be nice, apologise for all the things I have done wrong, just like Matt said would be good, and it blows up in my face. I knew that I should have just left it how it was. It was so much better than way.

I march back to my room, not happy in the slightest with Mick, Matt or myself. I strut up to my dorm and throw the door open, hearing it smack against the wall as it swings open.

"What a bright fucking idea that was Matt?!"

I look up from the book I'm reading to see a very pissed off Zacky standing there looking very pissed off. I should have known this would happen.

"I take it Mick didn't take the apology too well then?" I offer, glad that I'm the only person in this place who wouldn't get their ass kicked for stating the obvious.

I sit up properly on the bed, my arms tingling from the fact I've been leant on them for the past hour reading about a big grand, gay romance.

"I'm sorry, Zee. At least you tried though, right?"

"Yeah, but what was the fucking point?!" I yell, flialing my arms around before walking over the bed that Matt's on and throwing myself on the bed with a sigh.

"You try to be nice to someone and it just fukcin' blows up in your face," I say as I turn to Matt, "That is the last time I ever do anything nice for anyone."

"There was every point, dude." I say, in a calm voice, "It shows you're at least trying to change, right? Mick probably can't handle that because he's... well he's Mick. You become a nice guy and he loses you."

I put my book aside and turn back to Zacky, "I mean, not that he ever really had you in the first place."

I wrap an arm around his shoulder, "And even if Mick doesn't appreciate the gesture, the rest of us do."

"It's just hard, y'know?" I sigh, "I really didn't realise how much people actually hated me, I just thought they all knew it was part of me and that I wasn't really that bad, like you always thought."

I hate being like this, I really do. I'm trying to change at least a little bit, and in my eyes Matt seems to be the only one that appreciate it and actually know it's not all some joke.

"Maybe I'm doing it wrong, y'know? Saying sorry in the wrong tone of voice or something. Or maybe it's just everyone else are the real bastards."

Yeah, that's it.

"It's going to take time, Zee, they're going to need to see you prove that you're a different person now. I mean, through all the years you've been here you've been this sort of heartless slut."

I hate myself for saying it, it sounds so cruel. He's not a heartless slut, he never was. I mean, he was a slut but he wasn't ever really heartless. He'd always have your back if you needed him to. Or that might just have been me.

"A lot of these guys won't accept that a leopard can change it's spots. Especially not overnight." I say, leaning on him, "Just stick with it, it'll all get easier, I promise."

"I hope so," I say as I lean onto his shoulder, "Because I HATE apologising more than once. I learnt that just now."

I sigh and move my hand down to Matt's thigh, playing with the torn fabric of his jeans.

"Matt, you really need a new pair of jeans," I laugh, trying to change the subject as I really do HATE feeling like this.

I smile, taking the hint and moving onto the different subject with him. He'll bring this up again if he wants to. It's not fair to keep insisting he'll be okay and suchlike, it'll just piss him off even more. And an annoyed Zacky is a dangerous Zacky.

"Y'think?" I ask, looking down at the hole he's playing with, "I kinda like the ripped look. I can flash the flesh and I don't feel quite so uncomfortable."

I smirk a little, "You picking at it isn't exactly helping though, is it?"

"Nervous habit," I say simply as I keep picking at the fabric.

"Seriously though, you need some sexy jeans, ones that aren't all baggy and torn. Some tight ones that show off your ass and thighs."

I pick up a strand that's attached to my finger, and flick it to the floor.

"We should go shopping next half term break, just you and me."

I laugh a little at the image of me in tight jeans, it'd never work, I've got too much... downstairs for tight jeans.

"My ass likes to remain mysterious, Zee. It only gets shown to those who deserve it. And you of course." I say with a half smile, "But I like the shopping idea. We don't hang out enough outside of this place. Hell, we only ever really spend time together in here."

I'd always thought Zee might have been a little ashamed of having a friend like me. One of the slightly weird nerds but since the whole Alex debacle and his whole thing with his brother dying, he's really made me realize he does like having me around.

"It's do us some good to get out of this place as well. I need some fresh air that isn't polluted by the sounds of emos having sex behind the bike sheds," I say before sitting up a little on the bed so I'm now facing Matt.

Having Matt around has being great these part few weeks. I don't think I would have survived without him knowing everything and being able to help me with it all. Like when I'm alone at night, he'll hold me in bed without wanting anything from it. When I want someone to scream at he'll sit there and nod, listening, not screaming back. Maybe he can help me with my next problem, even if he isn't the most experienced in that area.

"Matt, I have to ask you something?" I ask as I start to pick at his jeans again, it may be my nervous habit but I am not ruining my jeans.

It's weird hearing him sound so unsure about something. I should be used to it by now but it still shocks me.

"What's up?" I ask, smiling warmly.

I continue watching him pick at my jeans. I'm convinced that he's doing it now so that he can make the hole so big they actually fall off. I don't think I'd suit Daisy Dukes really. Might get Alex to take notice though. Hmmm...

"Sorry, drifted off for a moment there. Seriously though, you can ask me anything."

"This is kinda weird, me asking you for sex advice but... I can't really talk to anyone else around here," I tell him, just to warn him now.

"It's just," I sigh, "y'know Tony, from the fourth year. I kinda, like him, a lot more than I should do and... I don't know what to do. I mean, before this whole thing with my brother we fucked, but... I went to him a few weeks after and we were kissing, someone I don't do and... I really liked it. It totally freaked me out and, I haven't spoken to him since."

I look back up at Matt, "I really just want a second opinion but what do you think I should do about him?"

I can't help the big grin that comes across my face. Zacky's found someone? Someone who's more than a fuck to him? I'd be lying if I wasn't a teeny bit jealous but that's just because I'm still hung up on someone I can't have. But fuck that, I can live vicariously through Zacky.

"Well firstly, I think it's impossible to like someone more than you should." I start, "You're allowed to have feelings for guys, Zacky, it's part of human nature."

I put my hands on his, just to stop them from pulling my jeans anymore, it tickles.

"I think you should go to him and explain what happened. Let him know that you were just frightened because you'd not felt like that before." I say, smiling, "I'm sure he's understand."

"I hope so, because I was really spooked," I say, "I mean, I even asked him to stop mid hand job, I have never done that before. I actually scared myself."

I look down at Matt's hands on my own.

"Hey, denying me my nervous habit? That's just rude," I laugh as I try to pull my hands away from his to attack another part of his jeans.

"Wow, Zee, you're growing up!" I say with a laugh following his hands along my legs with my own, "NEVAH! You'll pull my jeans completely off and then where will we be left? Partial nudity and a game of red hands."

I continues slaping at his hands as he moves them over me, laughing maniacally all the while. This is getting ridiculous. I should give in but then where would that leave me? Nope, I have no choice but to continue my assualt.

"Nooo, I don't want to grow up!" I cry shaking my head as I continue poking at his jeans and trying to get the upper hand over him, literally.

"Ooooh, you're good," I say as he slaps away as my hands quickly.

"Bastard, STOP IT!" I yell playfully before pouncing on him and grabbing onto his shoulders but I've obviously misjudged my angle because now we are both falling off the bed. I let out a cry as we both fall, me holding onto Matt's shoulders tightly as my back collides with the floor.

"Ouch! Owwie, Ooooh!" I let out as my back hits the floor and a pain goes up my spine.

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