RP:]] "But what about New York City, baby?!"

I just don't want him to go, but if it's going to help him, then this is what has to be done.

I sigh and hang my head, rubbing my hands over my face and sighing yet again, "OK. He can stay with you, but if anything happens, you call me and I'll be over there so fast even I could get arrested," I say to him before looking over at Brian.

He still looks happy, I shake my head gently at him before standing up.

"Well, I guess I better go say goodbye to him."

"It'll be okay, Dad. I'll drag his ass over here to see you if I have to." I say, with a half smile, "You too, Brian."

It unnerves me how quiet he's stayed through all of this. It's like he just doesn't care anymore.

"In fact, you should probably go and say goodbye for now too Bri." I say, trying to elicit some kind of response.

I look over at Brian, "yeah, if you care," I say to him, probably the most hurtful thing that I have ever said to him, as I walk out of the room now.

I walk into the hallway just to see Elliot walking down the stairs, a smile on his face (he looks so good when he smiles, my baby) I smile at him too as he walks down the stairs, carrying his guitar, a suitcase and a backpack on his back.

"Hey Little Man," I haven't called him that in years, "you ready to get going?" I ask him, hoping to God he says no.

I look up at him. I know he's right, I know I should go and see my son, go and talk to him, say goodbye, whatever. But I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can stand to see the look of happiness in his eyes when he sees that he's getting away from me. But I can't exactly admit that outloud.

"Mm, so he can spit in my eye and call me a filthy fag?" I ask, "Why make this anymore confrontational than it has to be. IF he wants to say goodbye to me, he'll find me."

I can hear Brian yelling now, probably about me, mad that he can't control me anymore. I grin to myself, walking over to my Dad and hugging him.

"Bye Dad!" I say in a happy, voice before pulling away and bouncing a little, "and you're not trying to stop me, or telling me I can't go, you think this will be good for me?" I ask him, and he nods.

"Cool!" This is actually the happiest I have being in a while.

I can see where he's coming from. But God, it hurts to see that even Brian has given up on Elliot now.

"Please, Bri." I say, "Please just try. You'll regret it if you don't."

He just looks away from me now, Elliot's stubborn side showing through in him now.

"Okay, well, you had the chance."

I leave the room, heading into the hallway where Matt and Elliot are embracing.

I smile now, my Dad telling me to be good and that if I mess Connor around he'll be round there so fast I won't even have a chance to go out looking for a fight. But he said it with a smile, and a nervous laugh he always does whenever he's in a situation he doesn't want to be in.

"Thanks Dad," I say to him before looking over at Connor with a smile.

"I'm ready to go!" I say to him, looking at him now as if he's my freaking saviour from this deadly place.

I want to go and say goodbye to him, to hug my little boy, to tell him I love him, that he needs to behave and be good for his brother. ButI can't stand being pushed away from him anymore. I know everyone's going to be pissed at me for it but they don't know how this feels. Your kid denying you're his father, him using your first name, him insulting you at every term. It's fuckin' agony!

I peer into the hallway, looking at the joy on Elliot's face at getting the chance to get out of here. I can't stand this. I get up and head out of the room, heading into the kitchen.

I nod and smile, "Okay, kid. You want to go say goodbye to Brian?"

If Brian's not going to do it, maybe Elliot will. Or maybe he's just going to be as stubborn as his dad and insist he doesn't need to either.

"I think he'd want you to."

I watch as Connor takes one of my suitcases now and opens the front door for the two of us, me and my Dad bid our goodbyes, my Dad looking less than happy that I am leaving. He must really be glad that I am going now, well, they'll be even less happy when I get back.

"Bye Dad!" I say to him as I head out of the front door now!

Looks like Brian's not going to be saying goodbye to me.

I can hear the door open, I'm leaning over the sink, tears falling from my eyes into the sink. I'm trying to stop myself from completely falling apart now.

I can't be a complete asshole. I wipe my eyes quickly and head out of the kitchen, all but running through the house, out of the door to grab Elliot in a giant bear hug.

"Don't you dare fuck with your brother." I tell him, "Or I will fuckin' kill you. I love you, you brat."

I all but drop my bags and nearly my guitar as Brian pulls me into a huge hug and tells me... he loves me. I can't remember the last time he did that, and I'm not even sure how to respond to it.

He pulls away from the hug and I can see that he has bloodshot eyes, has he being crying? Because I'm going... what the fuck...

"Bye Brian," is all I can say to him, still looking at him with a look of confusion now as I pick up my bag and walk away from him now, towards Connor's car.

Now I am more confused than ever.

I watch as he walks to the car. I punch Connor in the arm, "You look after him, okay? Or I'll kill you both."

He nods and promises he will before joining his brother in the car. I hate the fact I'm crying over that brat now. Stupid goddamn kids.

Where's Matt, I need a cuddle.

I rub at my eyes now, a quiet sob catching in my throat as I try my hardest not to cry over this. I'm sat up on his bed now, just holding one of his shirts in my hands as I breath in his sent. My little boy's gone.

I know it's not like he's gone forever or anything, but he's my baby, and now he's happy because he doesn't have to deal with me and Brian, we were the problem, and Connor knew it and took him away from us.

"Oh God Elliot, where did I go wrong baby?" I ask myself, a sob leaving my throat soon after as I clutch his favourite NOFX t shirt that I got him for his thirteen birthday to my chest.

I head back into the house, closing the door behind me as I fight back the tears a little more again. I head upstairs, Matt's probably headed for the same place I would have.

"Matty?" I call.

I push open the door to Elliot's room, "Matty?"

I look up now, with bloodshot eyes, biting into my bottom lip.

"He's our baby Brian, our sixteen year baby! He's supposed to be worried about girls liking him and chest hair, not whether he wants to drop out of school or stay with his parents because he has no chance of happiness."

I let out another sob, still holding the shirt to me.

"I brought him this, when we went to see them three years ago. He said I was the best dad ever for going with him. And now, he hates me! What did I do wrong?!"

I walk over to him, sitting by him on the bed, wrapping my arms around him, tears in my eyes as well.

"It's not you, Matty. It's me." I say, "I'm the one he resents. Always have been. He hates me for not being able to give him a normal life, for stealing you away from Crissy. He doesn't know that I'm his dad."

I cuddle up into him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Why couldn't you just fucking tell him from the start?!" I ask him angrily!

"Then he wouldn't be like this, he'd know he was made in a loving family triangle, and not a victim of a broken home. Why was that a good fucking idea?!" I ask him angrily, pushing him off me now and just holding onto the shirt still in my hands.

"He hates us both, because he thinks he's from a broken home. His peers hate him because he's being brought up by gays. We're so fucking selfish."

"You think I haven't tried to tell him?" I snap back, "I have tried so many times but he won't give me the goddamn time of day, he fuckin' assumed that you were his fuckin' dad because of Connor!"

I can't believe we're arguing over this. Matt and I don't fuckin' argue. We haven't argued for years over anything more serious than which flavour wedding cake we wanted.

"He's pissed off because we're gay in general, it has nothing to do with our family situation."

"It has everything to do with our family situation," I say to him, not looking at him now, just looking down at the tear stained shirt in my lap.

"And we should have set him straight when he said that I was his Dad for the first time, we should have told him that it was you. And that I was there when it happened, that that I wanted it to happen. Then he'd be a normal kid, dating girls, with friends coming round for sleepovers and us going on holiday as a family," I just wish that all of this could happen, so that we could be normal.

"You really think that'd have made it better? 'Daddy had a threesome with your mom and Matt because we wanted you!', he'd have hated us even more."

I rub my hands over my hair, "We shouldn't have bothered, Matt. I love him to death but we just... I'm just not cut out to be a dad."

I hate saying it, I feel guilty even thinking it but it;s the truth. I'm not good enough, I screwed up my kid's life.

"Don't say that, he brought us closer together. It's just... fuck, he changed when he hit sixteen, really changed. I... I don't know what happened."

This is why I wished he talked to us, so that we knew that was going on and what we were dealing with, I have no idea what goes on in his head anymore. Connor can't tell us because it's a breach of Elliot's trust, and we just can't do that to him.

"I really miss him already."

"He became a teenager." I say, with a half smile.

I get up from the bed and walk over to him, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Shit, Matty, we're fighting." I say, laughing mirthlessly, "We're not supposed to fight when food isn't involved."

"I know you're trying here Brian, but this is not a time for us to be joking," I say to him seriously, "I'm sorry Brian but... I need some time to think this all over."

I stand up from the bed now, still clutching onto the shirt in my hand.

"I'm going to take a drive."

I nod at him, trying to keep a smile on my face despite the fact his words have absolutely destroyed me. A drive, to get away from me, to go away. I don't say anything because I don't think I could say anything right now.

I can't believe it's come to this. I nod again.

"Mmhm."