RP:]] St Luke's Reform School For Young Gentlemen

"Uh... not exactly. I mean... not on purpose."

I don't think I want to know how he managed to do this not on purpose but I have to ask. Or rather, my mouth asks before my brain can stop it.

"How not on purpose?"

There's a silence on the other end of the line before he speaks up again, "Uh, she was staying over here and I didn't realize and I accidentally walked in on her in the shower and it was really awkward and oh God, what if I pass out again?"

I turn my head down to face the mattress and bury it as far as I can so he can't hear me laughing right now. Passing out? That's a new one.

"I really want to and I think I'm ready, I'm just so nervous!"

I want to hit Brian right now, he's taken the pillow so I can't stifal my own laughing. I am just laying on Brian now, my teeth bitten into my lip as I just shake with laughter without actually laughing out loud. I don't want to embarrass Chris more than he obviously is.

"Chris," is all I am able to say before letting out a low breath to calm myself down, "has she seen you naked yet?"

I don't wait for an answer before I say my next bit because I'm pretty sure he'll no dount tell me something that'll want to make me piss myself laughing, "she's probably going to be as nervous as you man."

"She kinda insisted as payback." He says.

Fuck, Chris, stop, please stop! I'm trying so hard not to laugh. It's not fair on him. But he's just so innocent, it's cute. And really, really funny. I lift my head up from it's position.

"Shifty girl, watch out for her, Chris." I say, swallowing to try and keep the laughs away, "But Coby's right, she'll probably be as nervous as you are. Just work together as a team, that's what a relationship is after all. If you're not ready for something, tell her, she'd understand."

It's then I remember something about my first time with a girl - which in itself is amazing as there have been so many women since.

"Besides, y'know chicks like to help you out, they like to show you, to teach you. It's some kind of mothering instinct or something."

I laugh at Brian's statement, not sure whether it was funny or it's just the reflex of what Chris said coming back to haunt me.

"Mothering instinct? I think the last thing a guy needs to think about during sex is, 'Wow! just like Mom said it would,' And as soon as I say this, it's all over for me.

I smack my head down onto Brian's chest and let out a loud howl of a laugh, not even sure I'm going to be able to control this. I mean, there are tears are everything here.

I glare down at Coby, I've luckily managed to control my mad giggles now but he seems to have completely lost control of his body.

"You are going to hell, you know that?" I inform him, flicking his shoulder, "I'm sorry about him Chris, I'll deal with him later."

"Oversharing, Brian."

"Haha. What I meant was, they have a natural instinct to look after their boyfriend, a kind of maternal instinct which has nothing to do with being their mothers you retard." I flick Coby's shoulder again for good measure, "They like to guide and help. You're lucky you're not gay. Gay men don't have that."

"Didn't I just say oversharing?"

I lift my head up, "hey! I helped you when we were in high school! You didn't even know where the prostate was until i showed you with a diagram!"

I poke Brian for good measure after I have said this before turning back to the phone with a huge smile on my face.

"OK. I am back for manic giggle land. Chris, when it comes to sex, just be yourself. I mean, if she didn't like your true self and the way you acted, she would have dumped your true self a loooooooooong time ago."

"Okay, and there's something again I didn't need to know." Chris says.

"I'm sorry again about him, he just needs punishing." I say, smiling down at Coby, "No desserts for a week."

I avoid the swipe of his hand, "He's right though. I'm sure everything'll be okay. And if all else fails just tell her you're going to become a Catholic priest and you can't have sex."

"Uh... thanks, Brian."

"Yeah, because that'll work," I say to Brian before turning back to the phone, "trust me. If she wants to have sex with you, she won't care what religion she insults."

I say that and then I shake my head realising that that didn't really help at all.

"Okay, I'm running low on advice here. That's my que to say goodbye I feel. Bye Chrissie, have fun, be safe, and if all else fails... God gave you hands?"

I give up now. And this is why I should never be allowed to have kids or give them advice. What a great skill for a cop, right?

"Thanks... I think?"

I roll my eyes before looking back to the phone, "Just relax, Chris. She's not going to freak out, you're not going to freak out. Trust me, it'll all happen naturally when it's supposed to. You'll be fine."

"You think?"

"I know. Come on, you've been around me all your life, being an amazing lover is bound to have rubbed off on you." I say with a smirk, "Was there anything else? Or am I free to celebrate now?"

"Uh, no, that's it. Thanks Uncle Bri, Coby. Happy birthday again! I owe you a present."

"Yeah, you do boy. I'll see you later."

He hangs up the phone after a quick goodbye, leaving me to turn to Coby with a big contented smile, "You think if we ever had a kid, he'd turn to Zacky and Matt for advice instead of us?"

I look up at Brian, a smile on my face as I laugh at him.

"You and me having kids? Yeah right," I roll my eyes, "can you imagine me with a kid?"

I can't really imagine me with a kid, not even with Brian. I can iamgine him with a baby, because he's just that kind of person. But I have always being a slave to my job, if I had a kid, it would end up hating me because I'd never be there.

He looks a little hurt by my laugh and my comment so I stop my laughing and look at him seriously.

"I'm sorry, it's just... I'm at work nearly all week, nights and weekends too. We're getting older, I can picture you with kids, just, not me."

Why is that bothering me more than it should do? Had I always imagined me and Coby having kids together? Yeah, actually. I'd always thought he wanted them too. Then again, he's right, we're not exactly getting any younger, we won't be able to chase after them much longer.

I wave off my comment, "Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm not exactly Wonder Dad with the kid I have now, right? It was a rhetorical question anyway. Besides kids mean less me and you time."

"Yeah. Besides, you and me are happy together, right?" I question him even though I know the answer, and I wish I didn't ask the question now.

I can't help but see the disappointed in his face, and hear it in his voice. He really wants kids, doesn't he?

Oooh great, I have upset him now.

"Well, we'll see, who knows what can happen after the wedding, eh?" I ask him before laying next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing the top of his head.

"Exactly." I put on a smile for him.

I didn't realize how much I wanted the little family with him until... well about 30 seconds ago. I'd love to have a child with him, our own little bundle of joy, something we've created.

"Anyway, we are happy. I am happy. As long as I've got you, I don't need anything else. Kids, a roof, whatever." I say, "It was just one of those random thoughts which attacks me whenever I realize I'm getting older."

"Oh no, you're biological clock is ticking Brian," I say with a small laugh as I rock with Brian a little in the bed.

"We'll if it happens, it happens," I shrug before brushing Brian's hair out of his face and kissing his hair again, "for now. We'll just focus on the wedding, yeah?"

"I wonder what Chris is doing right now," I say randomly, just thinking about my nephew and how much he's grown up.

"That sounds like the perfect plan to me." I say, smiling back at him, "Y'know dresswise? There's not way you can wear white, I mean not after some of the things we've done."

I can't help but worry a bit about Chris now. I know how nervewracking it is being with a girl. Not as bad as it is with a guy, you kinda know where everything is then.

"He's probably Googling the female anatomy. Or watching a ton of porn." I sat with a laugh, "I know I did."

"Oh no, because we are far from innocent," I laugh.

"Well, maybe we should call Zacky and Matt, tell him what he's doing? Or what that just be evil on a stick?"

I laugh evilly, an evil grin on my face as well as I think about calling our two favourite boys about our awesome nephew, should we really rat him out?

"Coby!" I bat his arm, "We can't do that! We promised him we wouldn't."

It'd be cruel, it wouldn't be fair, they'd kill him. That said, it would be very funny. But they'd stop him from going anywhere near her. But it'd be funny to hear them going all psycho dad's. But he'd hate us forever.

Ohhhh, I hate thinking morally.

"Unless we say it was a joke after we did it. Coz I don't want him to hate me forever for ratting him out. He's my only link with the young world! The only person who'll go and see Robert Downey, Jr. movies with me because you just glare at me for admiring."

"It's your choice baby," I say to him, "if you think it's too evil for us to do it then don't. I don't think that Matt and Zacky would be likely to stop him from doing it. I don't think Courtney would let them."

Now I am thinking morally now.

"Hmmmmmmm... where do you think they'll be then?"

I ask him as I stroke my goatee and think about this.

"It would be really funny." I say, smirking before putting on my serious face, "But very cruel."

He looks so stupid when he does this, all evil and plotting. It scares me a little actually, he looks like some crazed kids movie bad guy.

"I dunno. I mean, they can't be at home. Chris wouldn't have called otherwise." I say, "So they're either in the love shack or out chasing Courtney somewhere."

"I'm guessing chasing Courtney, she told me something about getting a shopping trip out of her Dad's the other day when I saw her in a café when I was off duty," I say to him.

"So, they'll be really pissed off, most likely spending money and carrying her bags for her."

I grin to myself and laugh a little evilly, "yeah, let's do it."

I grab Brian's phone and start to look for Matt's cell phone number on his phone book. Noticing some very odd names of Brians phone.

"Who the hell is Helga?"

"She's my mistress. I need boobs Coby." I say, straight faced.

I really hope I don't have any incriminating numbers on there. It's not that I want to cheat on Coby or anything, I'm just really lazy when it comes to deleting people I don't speak to anymore.

"She was my old maid, back when I lived with the silicone princess." I explain, "65, bad hip but a great mouth."

"Mmmm, I bet she was exciting in the sack," I say with a shudder.

I find Matt's number, finally, after going through idiot number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 and laughing at the all different nicknames Brian has for people. And he thinks we'd be good with kids?

I bring the phone to my ear to make sure it's ringing before placing the phone back down onto the bed and putting it on speaker.

"So, what are you planning to say to Mattie and Zacky, the Dad's from hell?" I say with a laugh.

"I haven't got a clue. This was your idea, remember?"

I laugh as I adjust my position on the bed so I'm as close to him as I can be without being inside him, not that that would be a bad thing by any means.

"We could really freak 'em out, y'know, tell them Chris asked us something really bad... like, what would happen if he got chlamydia."

"Oh my God, that is evil, or what happened if he got Becky pregnant... no, I think an STI would freak Zacky the fuck out more," I laugh at Brian's evil mind.

"Ooooh, your dirty, evil mind really turns me on," I say with a grin as I lean up to Brian's face and kiss him open mouthed, the sound of the ringing from Matt's phone being heard in the background.

I'm laughing more than I am kissing him back now. Maybe we shouldn't have called Matt and Zacky, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep my hands off him. Goddamnit, I feel like a teenager again myself, I'm gagging for it.

Of course all of this leaves me with a sneaky idea. I leave the phone by Coby's head and roll him onto his back.

"You think you can handle this call alone, Cobes? I'm feeling a little peckish." I smirk down on him.

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